The A-Team: If you have a problem, if no one else can help…just blow it up!

You know that time is getting on when your childhood television memories are being raided by Hollywood for blockbuster material. Along with the remake of The Karate Kid (which is actually about kung-fu now if that makes any sense – anyways I digress) this weekend is something of an 80s revival. So in case you’ve never been an 8 year old boy on a Saturday afternoon in 1985 here’s the skinny. Four special forces commandos are framed for a crime they didn’t commit, quickly escape and go on the run in an attempt to clear their names. So far, so like the tv show. The film  involves the stealing of some Mint plates and then…blah blah blah. There’s absolutely no point telling you anymore because any semblance of plot is merely there to get your breath back between barrages of gunfire and the squeal of brakes.

The Hollywood model is adhered to at every step. A fair few dollars have been thrown in director Joe Carnahan’s direction to make this  bigger, shoutier and sexier than its source material. Liam Neeson continues a recent trend he began with Taken and Clash of the Titans in taking roles that are clearly beneath him to star as cigar-chomping (smoking!? In a 12A!) leader Hannibal Smith. He can do this sort of thing in his sleep but it takes him 10 minutes to decide which accent he’s going to stick with. Bradley Cooper channels Dirk Benedict’s slick womaniser as Faceman with ease; he’s clearly worked out a lot for this role and is keen to show off about it, to the point when you suspect he may actually be allergic to shirts. Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson is B.A, he talks the talk but stumbles slightly when walking the walk. The jewel in the crown is Shalto Copley. Proving that his starring role in last year’s District 9 was not a fluke, as Murdock he gets to have the most fun, knows exactly what sort of a film this is and plays it accordingly. Patrick Wilson also gets the tone right on badguy duties, confirming he is available for panto season. While Jessica Biel doesn’t seem to get to do much other than run around and awaken adolescent lust.

This is an entry from the Michael Bay school of film-making; if in doubt shove an explosion in shot.Flying tank sized plot holes are covered over swiftly with enormous action set pieces. Just like the show this film is based on, this is old school blockbuster making. If you want your grey matter tickled while you tuck into your popcorn, Inception is playing next door. I’m making this all sound a bad thing when in actual fact despite being utter nonsense, it is utter nonsense of the highest order. Its saving grace is the enormous amount of fun involved, the chemistry among the team and the level at which it embraces its cheese soaked origins. If you’re anything like me the sight of a helicopter flying upside down with set you off gesticulating wildly, but despite your better judgement you’ll begin grinning madly and going with it. I’ll say nothing more on the subject other than ‘Ghandi’. And to all those who’ve given this a snooty cool reception, what did you expect? Have you even watched  the show?